and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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