O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
