Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
