she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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