did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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