Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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