you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
