SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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