I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
