You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My butt remains clenched, sir.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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