So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
