I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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