The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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