My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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