I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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