He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
