Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
