____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
sex in a hospital.. check
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
