dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
