I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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