thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
