wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
