thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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