Only a mothe r could love this liver
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
