would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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