exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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