wat bout pragnant strippers??
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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