you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
