Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
