Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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