you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
