I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
