I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
