I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
