He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize