And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
