so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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