I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
