I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
