Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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