I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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