I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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