If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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