i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
