Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
