well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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