I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
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