Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
