Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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