there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
