I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
