You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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