i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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