Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
