There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
