At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
