i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Boobs speak an international language.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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