Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
