maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
