I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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