M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Michael Bay diarrhea
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
