i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
