a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
