So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
