I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So squirting runs in the family.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
