didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
