I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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