Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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